mother

   Used by mainly middle- and upperclass speakers to address their mothers. The word is most often used alone, but it can become ‘mother darling’, ‘mother dear’, ‘my dear mother’, etc., is especially if the speaker is a woman. ‘Mother’ is usually an adult term; young children might well use ‘Mummy’, ‘Momma’, or similar terms, then switch to ‘Mother’ in late adolescence or early adulthood. Workingclass speakers are more likely to continue with ‘Mum’ or ‘Mom’. In Fear of Flying Erica Jong writes: I always mutter ‘Mother’ when I’m scared. The funny thing is I don’t even call my mother ‘Mother’ and I never have. She named me Isadora Zelda, but I try never to use the Zelda. In return for this Itfetime liability, I call her Jude. Her real name is Judith. Nobody but my youngest sister ever calls her Mommy.

   Some mothers encourage their children to address them by their first names from the beginning; others suggest that this change be made when the children become adults. ‘I crept over to the cot to stare at this strange child who called its mother by her Christian name.’ writes Gordon McGill, in Arthur. It is hardly the child who is strange in such circum-stances; it is the mother who is clearly rejecting the verbal acknowledgement of parenthood.

   In many families a problem is created when it is necessary to address a mother-in-law or stepmother. In The Group, by Mary McCarthy, a son writes to his father: ‘Would mother mind asking Kay [the letter-writer’s wife] to call her Judith when she writes? Like all modern girls, she has a horror of calling a mother-in-law “Mother”, and “Mrs Petersen” sounds so formal.’ In War Brides, by Lois Battle, an Australian daughter-in-law who has strong reasons for wishing to ingratiate herself with her husband’s family uses ‘Mother’ in a calculated way:’ “Thank you, Mother,” she said softly, consciously using the word for the first time and watching its effect on Etna. “But you mustn’t say thank you, Daughter. You’re part of the family, after all.” ‘In one family known to the author, a sonin-law uses ‘Mother’ + first name to address his mother-in-law, though this has the effect of making the woman concerned sound like a nun. Modern step-mothers may be known as ‘mother’, or one of the ‘mother’ variants, or by their first names. It depends largely on how old the step-children are when the new marital situation arises, on whether the real mother is still alive and how well the children remember her. See under Step-mother.

   In A Lovely Bit of Wood, by Penelope Gilliatt, an English husband addresses his wife as ‘Mother’. This was at one time common practice amongst older couples whose children had become adults, and may still continue. Margaret Laurence comments on the practice amusingly in The Stone Angel A husband who admits that he has many faults points out that he could have been much worse. ‘“You know something, Hagar? There’s men in Manawaka call their wives ‘Mother’ all the time. That’s one thing I have never done.” It was true. He never did, not once. I was Hagar to him.’

   From the fourteenth century onwards ‘Mother’ was sometimes used to address an elderly workingclass woman who was in no way related to the speaker. In The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame, when Toad dresses as a washerwoman, he is addressed as ‘mother’ by an engine-driver. In Elmer Gantry, by Sinclair Lewis, an Englishman uses ‘mother’ to address an old lady. She remarks to her husband: ‘Isn’t there a law that permits one to kill people who call you “Mother”? The next time this animal stops, he’ll call you “Father”!’ ‘Only once, my dear,’ says the husband. However, in rural areas, especially, it was not unusual for ‘Mother’ to be prefixed to an old woman’s name and used as a social title instead of ‘Mrs’, as in Old Mother Hubbard.

   ‘Mother’ is almost a professional title when used to the superior of a convent or other religious establishment. if the speaker is not one of the nuns who look upon the mother superior as their spiritual parent. In this role the word is of course invariable, whereas the mother of a normal family can be addressed by any of the mother terms, such as: Mum, Mom, Ma, Mam, Mummy, Momma. ‘Mother’ is also invariable when used by e.g. a judge or magistrate in a juvenile court to the mother of an offender, or by a midwife addressing a woman in labour.

   ‘Mother’ remains a word of very special significance. One can understand why many people think it strange when a woman who is entitled to be so addressed rejects the term, and why step-children feel reluctant to use it to someone who is not their real mother. William Thackeray, in Vanity Fair, chose to express the thought with full Victorian sentimentality: ‘Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of little children.’